I have always been someone who operates at a million miles an hour.

I used to have the belief that it was actually helpful to function at top speed.

It worked, for a while.

Until…….

Why did I crash you may say?

It always felt like the only way to get anything done was to RAMP UP, or GET GOING at top speed!

“How else could I get over the HUMP?” I thought. For many of us with ADHD, this is all too common. We can tend to default to “top speed”, “hyper mode”, etc.

What I learned was that when I was faced with a difficult or challenging task (aka ANYTHING I do not want to do), my nervous system would kick up and start firing behind the scenes creating a little army of emotions that were committed to preventing me from doing that thing at all cost!

Me: “OK we got this! Let’s get into this thing. Just gotta bang out some paperwork real quick. Just 5 minutes. Let’s go baby. At least let’s get started on it!”

ME: “Come on Man! You’re acting CRAZY! It’s literally going to take us 5 minutes, maybe 10 MAX! Let’s at least try”

ME: “What’s your problem!? This doesn’t have to be such a fight".”

I

SAID

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Frustrated with this pattern and cycle, I started researching and learning about what was really taking place inside my body and my mind.

Why did I have to fight so hard to get myself to do the things I actually WANTED to do?

What did I learn?

Well, apparently, our nervous system, and how we “manipulate it”, actually has a tremendous amount of influence over how well our brains work, perform, process, etc. 

Sounds obvious right? I always thought I understood this concept but, I had it totally backward in many ways. 

I thought I had to REV up my engine to get my brain working properly in order to focus and to OVERPOWER the “little ones” inside me fighting back ferociously.

Well, I learned that along with ADHD comes a built-in challenge with self-regulation.

For the purpose of our analogy, let’s call “self-regulation”:

“putting the babies to sleep so we can focus and do our work”.

In ADDitude Magazine, Dr. Russell Barkley, PH.D. writes:

“Deficient emotional self-regulation (DESR) is a relatively new term used to describe the problem of impulsive emotion coupled with emotional self-regulation difficulties — issues long associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD).”

“DESR, a manifestation of emotional dysregulation, specifically refers to deficiencies with these four components of emotional self-regulation:

• Ability to inhibit inappropriate behavior triggered by strong emotions

• Ability to self-soothe and down-regulate a strong emotion to reduce its severity

• Ability to refocus attention from emotionally provocative events

• Ability to organize or substitute more moderate, healthier emotional responses in the service of goals and long-term welfare”

“Emotional self-regulation is a major dimension of executive functioning required for daily life activities. It is also one of the most impaired dimensions in children and adults with ADHD.”

-Russell Barkley, Ph.D.

After 37 years of trying to find new ways to WIN against myself, I finally discovered the answer I had been searching for!

I tapped into my higher self and learned that I don’t have to FIGHT against my emotions (little people), but instead, I could just learn the skills I needed to actually “put them to sleep!”

My “higher-self”, “Wise-Mind”, etc., taught me that fighting with myself was NOT going to work. I discovered that I, am just too powerful.

It was time for another approach he informed me. We have to “outsmart the fox” as they say.

I was ready.

Armed with my newfound knowledge of my historical challenges with "self-regulation”, and the impact it was having on my nervous system AND ability to focus, I committed to working on this a little every day.

With the help of my therapist, I began learning the techniques and ways I could improve my ability to soothe my nervous system in order to:

• think more clearly

• calm my mind

• get sh@t done

• do hard things

• feel more relaxed

• stop struggling

Since embracing this profound paradigm shift, I have found so much more calm in my life and improved dramatically in how I can move through tasks that used to take me months to conquer FINALLY.

Next time you feel frustrated with tackling any task you find challenging, instead of loud music and pumping yourself up to BANG IT OUT, I encourage you to:

• Slow Down

• Breathe

• Calm yourself

• and then Start

The more we work on developing the self-regulation skills we are naturally biologically challenged with, the more we can narrow the deficit and improve our ability to harness this invaluable process.

This is my favorite video below to self-regulate and prepare myself for “Deep Work”. I just put it on and let go of expectations or demands, calm myself, slow down, and then watch my brain get into FLOW.

Give it a try and let me know if it works for you too!

Much love,

Ian